You know, there are burdens with being identified as a northerner. Especially a Yankee. Especially a New York Yankee. I understand those burdens, because I’ve lived with them all my life (well, except for the 1975 and 1976 seasons, because I was ticked at the Yankees for trading Bobby Murcer).
I can live with those burdens. I can even be proud of my identity. Heck, I am secure enough to remind people that I root for the New York Islanders, who have been about as successful as Braxton Bragg for several decades. After all, I can trace my ancestry back through two Union veterans to colonial Long Island, where my ancestors settled in the seventeenth century (not too far from where the Islanders play today).
And that’s why I ask you today to stop identifying Kevin Levin as some sort of Yankee. First off, he doesn’t even root for the Yankees. Second, he’s from New Jersey … New Jersey! And it’s southern New Jersey at that! I mean, come on … the state voted for McClellan in 1864.
But here is a dirty little secret about Kevin … he’s moving to Boston. BOSTON! That’s right, home of the Fenway idiots (don’t blame me for calling them that … Johnny Damon invented the term when he was playing for the Sawx). Two years ago, when Mark Grimsley was in the middle of switching rooting allegiances every several days, he settled upon being a Phillies fan (just as Kevin has rooted for the Phillies, although lightly), and the 2009 New York Yankees took care of them. Now Kevin’s shifting not only his home base but also his rooting allegiances, and I’m sure we’ll soon hear him say “Bucky [bleep]ing Dent” and “Aaron [bleep]ing Boone” with all the enthusiasm he can muster. He won’t have any time left to write about black Confederates.
Note that he made this move only after the Red Sox made significant upgrades to their roster. Talk about your front runners. Wait until he starts writing about Red Sox memories, but somehow he can’t go any further back than 2004.
All northerners are not the same. We resent people trying to group us all together. New York pizza is much, much better than the Chicago attempt at the same sort of food. People in Chicago think the Cubs are charming losers, while we Yankees fans know that there’s nothing about losing that’s charming, especially when we look at the crosstown catastrophe known as the Mets. Eric Wittenberg and I have repeatedly clashed, whether it’s baseball, football, or hockey (it would be a terrible time in cyberspace if our hockey teams were good at the same time). But Ohio’s Ohio, not Boston or Jersey. I mean, come on. Be serious.
Enjoy Boston, Kevin … except in October. Don’t even worry about November.
[Note: No, I really don’t care much about the NBA any more. I watch from a safe distance.]