The Future of Confederate Heritage is Here

appomattox csa flag

“In a little over three years, this group has grown from one woman and her flag
to the most powerful and influential Southern heritage organization in existence —
and the cause of a heritage tsunami that has energized other people from
one end of the Confederacy to the other.”
–Connie Chastain

With these words the famed spokesperson for the Virginia Flaggers, again entrusted with doing the fearless (well, except in front of the VMFA) leader’s “heavy hitting,” has left us with a statement that is as breathtaking as it is amazing. Never mind that the Confederacy doesn’t actually exist any more except in the minds of people such as the leader of the New Confederate Army … or that southern heritage is so much more than Confederate heritage … for these detract from the truth of the statement and the powerful images it evokes in our minds.

Henceforth we need no longer heed the Sons of Confederates (which at 30,000 strong is just slightly larger than the number of Confederates who surrendered at Appomattox) or the United Daughters of the Confederacy. Never mind the League of the South. Mock lesser flagging organizations, from the Mid-South Flaggers to the sole member of the moribund Gulf Coast Flaggers West Florida Flaggers. Ladies and gentlemen, cast your eyes upon the future face of Confederate heritage:

face of CSA Heritage
Who, me?

Wait … there’s more!

After all, can Confederate heritage be any better represented than by the eloquent protests of Karen Cooper, who speaks truth to power at every opportunity?

Cooper Two

Who needs Cooter when you have Cooper to offer such profound thoughts? Get out of here, Ben Jones! You are yesterday’s news!

After all, the Flaggers are everywhere, in large numbers, changing hearts and minds as part of their heritage tsunami that is sweeping across the nation, leveling everything before it.

Three Flaggers, Eight or More Flags (not present: Susan Hathaway)

(Someone might want to remind a certain struggling romance writer and book jacket designer that tsunamis are destructive storms that destroy property and endanger human life … but I’m sure she meant what she said about the destructiveness of Confederate heritage).

Note that the Confederate symbols in the outline of the state of Virginia concede the departure of West Virginia. Well, you can’t win them all.

Trust me … the Virginia Flaggers are the number one protest group among Confederate heritage advocates. Why, they are even willing to be arrested in front of their children.

Anyone have a date when Tripp Lewis will file his suit? I’m disappointed that we did not have “A Letter from Richmond Jail” to go along with this.

And, of course, Flaggers are always there to support efforts to protect Confederate monuments. Just ask taser-wielding Rob Walker. Wait … that didn’t happen? But how could such a great group make such a silly error?

You mean someone fooled Susan Hathaway and Lewis? Really?

And, of course, when it comes to the Virginia Flaggers, it’s all about the flags … no trouble. Flags here, flags there, flags everywhere! Big flags, little flags, tall flags, short flags … they are popping up all over the place, testifying to the impotence of the Viagra Saggers.

Wait … that didn’t come out right … or did it? Darn spell check.

And so we can now look forward to the future of Confederate heritage, as the mighty Virginia Flaggers, “the most powerful and influential Southern heritage organization in existence” (would Connie Chastain ever lie to you?), advance the colors of the Confederate flag across the nation. They will take the place of the Kardashians as the go-to people in American culture, the agents of change that we have heard so much about. Deo Vichy indeed.

And to think it all started with one woman and her flag.

Our Miss Connie

No, no, no. Not that woman. You know, the one who used to walk in front of the VMFA?

hathaway opps

There we go.

3 thoughts on “The Future of Confederate Heritage is Here

  1. Spelunker March 30, 2015 / 11:07 am

    That was enjoyable. Thank you.

  2. C. Meyer March 30, 2015 / 12:06 pm

    Dear Connie,

    Hyperbole much?

    Sincerely,

    Corey Meyer

  3. Leo March 30, 2015 / 12:11 pm

    Do I need my umbrella?

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