The Sunday Question: What Would You Build in Confederate Heritage Disneyland?

We’ve known for some time that when it comes to Confederate heritage, it’s all too often not history, but heritage. Indeed, I’ve seen some bizarre claims and leaps of logic from the very people who think it is a very good idea to have a somewhat off version of the Army of Northern Virginia’s battle flag fly from a pole that’s too short for the size banner being flown (the pole should be closer to 75 feet than 50 feet for a 15′ x 15′ flag, but that would have forced the Flaggers to seek a permit. As it is, when the flag is simply hanging there, the bottom edge will be a little less than 30 feet from the ground.)

But, since we are going to have One Flag Over I-95, I thought we’d have Six Flags Over Confederate Heritage (after all, the Confederates had more than enough flags to do this … perhaps they would have fared better had they spent more time waging war and less time designing flag after flag after flag).

So … what rides would you suggest? Perhaps you can spark a Flagger’s imagination!

(And yes, we know what someone from the state that brings us Disney World and Universal Studios at Orlando will have to say about all this … Kevin, your run will be a short one.)

33 thoughts on “The Sunday Question: What Would You Build in Confederate Heritage Disneyland?

  1. cc2001 September 22, 2013 / 5:25 am

    How about a variation of “It’s a Small World” called “It’s a Lost World?” The singing dolls could be pickaninnies, and the ride would feature scenes from a majestic plantation–slaves picking cotton, rascally Massa sneaking down to the quarters at night, and Missus being fanned as she sips tea. Since it’s a family ride we should omit snarling dogs and whipping. Black confederate soldiers could be the ticket takers for added authenticity!

  2. P Diddy September 22, 2013 / 5:55 am

    A Gaollows to hang SHERMAN

  3. SF Walker September 22, 2013 / 6:52 am

    I’d probably start with two themed transportation rides. First would be “.05 Leagues Under The Sea,” where riders board a replica of the H.L. Hunley, which immediately sinks (as it was prone to do), taking the riders 18 feet below to the underground “Richmond” terminal of the “Jeff Davis Great Escape” train ride. Upon boarding, this train takes the passengers through the park to the “Irwinville, Georgia” depot where they debark near the queue for “YesterdayLand,” where visitors get to experience flavor of the antebellum South in various ways, such as burning facsimilies of registered mail from the North and flogging an animated replica of a slave.

  4. Charles Lovejoy September 22, 2013 / 7:31 am

    There has been some controversy over the 6 flags theme park here in Atlanta and it’s flags. Several groups over the years have found offence with the 6 flag theme. Three of the flags the French, Spanish and British flags were directly connected to the trans-Atlantic slave trade. The Confederate flag and it’s controversy. Then the US flag that was a part of the forced relocation of both the Cherokee and Creek nations in Georgia.These 6 flags represent very different things to different people.Many Native American groups view the French,Spanish, British and US flags as Colonial symbols that represent the devastation and end of their nations. The Confederate flag to some represents a secession to preserve slavery. No flag is without its controversy. I view them all as just a part of human history, parts of our history that has brought all of us where we are at today. Far as a Confederate Heritage Disneyland? Could be just like the 6 flags theme parks, just have a sanitized version of both history and heritage. Many Native American and African-American activist groups have made that assertion about 6 flag theme parks,our Thanksgiving celebration and many other things we do as a society and a culture.

    • Brooks D. Simpson September 22, 2013 / 12:18 pm

      Absolutely true, as in Disneyland’s “Frontierland.”

  5. Debbie September 22, 2013 / 8:16 am

    Why do you hate the Southern people? I haven’t seen anyone try to control your love of the Union or Lincoln. Rather you like it or not, Southern people have a right to love and show their love for their past and their symbols. Doesn’t matter what you think of them. Freedom of thought and expression is not dependent on the opinion of others, or, it shouldn’t be.

    • Brooks D. Simpson September 22, 2013 / 8:36 am

      First, Debbie, you must understand … I don’t hate the southern people. That’s a claim that certain proponents of Confederate heritage make, but that tells me far more about them than anything else. For the southern people are far more than a vociferous little group of Confederate heritage supporters who are in complete denial about history. The southern people include the descendants of people who were enslaved and secured their freedom as the result of a war and Confederate defeat; they include the descendants of southern whites who remained loyal to the Union; they include today many people whose ancestors and families have moved south since the war.

      One may ask why you ignore all of these people when you speak of the southern people and ignore all but four years of southern history when defining what southern heritage is. Do you hate those people, or do you simply refuse to respect their heritage?

      The best thing for Americans to celebrate about the Confederacy is that it lost, and its defeat helped make possible the liberation of over four million people. Why don’t you celebrate that heritage? Are you ashamed of emancipation?

      • Debbie September 22, 2013 / 8:06 pm

        Brooks, I think everyone should celebrate their history. I do hope everyone researches it and understands what their history is. Brooks, I don’t hate anyone. I respect everyone’s history. I don’t mind, at all, if they want to remember and honor their history.

        I’m sure you know that emancipation was an unplanned by-product of the war? I am ashamed of what they told the blacks, and I’m ashamed the Union used them so badly and never really cared about one of them, personally.

        Brooks, the Confederacy’s loss is nothing to celebrate. Leaving the slave issue out (as Lincoln tried to do, lol) the loss meant that the Constitution could be twisted, that the act of secession, which is the right of every state, would be taught to future generations as not Constitutional. States rights are the cornerstone of the ability of states to stave off the fed gov.. States rights allow individual rights. Large central gov, limits all personal rights.

        If the Confederacy had won, we would be much closer to the Constitution written by our founders.

        This is what I believe. I believe you are entitled to believe anything you believe. I just don’t think we should attack each other over our differences.


        • SF Walker September 23, 2013 / 5:21 pm

          Emancipation was as unplanned by Southerners as it was by Northerners. One of the greatest miscalculations the Confederate leaders made was in believing that slavery could be preserved by force of arms. As Bruce Catton said, “slavery was much too fragile for that when the war came. Slavery existed only through the tolerance of those who didn’t like it; the war destroyed that tolerance.”

          By 1860, the people who were calling for the greatest increase in Federal power WERE the Southerners. They demanded that the national government protect slavery wherever they chose to take it. State and local governments are at least as adept at limiting personal rights as the Federal government is. Do the Feds ban the sale of alcohol in certain counties? No, but plenty of local governments do.

    • John Foskett September 22, 2013 / 10:30 am

      Debbie: As others have suggested, who are “the Southern people” to whom you refer? I know a number of folks who justifiably consider themselves “southerners” because that’s where they were born, grew up, and/or lived large parts of their lives. I don’t know any who identify with the battle flag or with what went on for only 4 years out of the 400 or so years that Europeans and then blacks have populated the South. Several find it silly or offensive and all are at best indifferent. And most are not African American, so you can’t rationalize it that way, either.

      • Debbie September 22, 2013 / 8:12 pm

        John, the Southern people are all sorts. There are Southerners who moved here and have embraced the uniquely Southern way of life. There are Indians, who joined forces with the Confederacy. There are jews, who’s ancestors gave their lives for the South. There are blacks, some were soldiers and some were servants. Whichever of these that they are, they should celebrate their history. I am very happy to know all Southerners and even happier to have them share their stories with mine.

        • John Foskett September 23, 2013 / 7:30 am

          You’re apparently moving away from the notion that “the Southerners” as a group identify with that flag and the four years between 1861 and 1865. Good. Because it’s really a small minority who thinks that “Southern” identity is wrapped up in that stuff. In fact, it’s an insult to most “Southerners” to suggest that they are represented by the aberrant views of that minority.

    • Michael Confoy September 22, 2013 / 7:19 pm

      I was born in the land of cotton, and I have never detected hate from Dr. Simpson even though I hate the Yankees and don’t think highly of the Islanders either.

  6. Patrick Young September 22, 2013 / 8:30 am

    We already have a Confederate Disneyland. It’s called Stone Mountain.But here are a few suggested upgrades:

    A Confederados restaurant so you can get some decent Brazilian food ’cause even barbeque gets old.

    Also “Whack-a-Flogger”.

    • Charles Lovejoy September 22, 2013 / 9:42 am

      I’ve visited there many times, I grew up in Metro-Atlanta Other than a limited museum, the carving and a reconstructed Antebellum Plantation there is not much more Civil War era stuff there. It’s a very large park with lots of other things. The park is full of African-American visitors, the Confederate aspects don’t seem to be a deterrent. Most just enjoy the parts they enjoy and ignore what they don’t.

      • Patrick Young September 22, 2013 / 10:02 am

        It’s been a while since I visited Stone Mountain, Charles. Back in the day, they had a Confederate themed laser show that was the biggest attraction at the park each night. The railroad went by a scene of Confederate soldiers and they had an antebellum steam boat.

        • Charles Lovejoy September 22, 2013 / 11:53 am

          I remember that too, use to ride the steam boat when I was a kid. The laser show didn’t come along until I was grown.

  7. BillF September 22, 2013 / 8:31 am

    I would have the Braxton Bragg roller coaster: it goes up and down, up and down and round and round, and everyone hates it.

    • Michael Confoy September 22, 2013 / 7:17 pm

      What a disaster that would have been. Go to the area today and just imagine what it would be like. Proves that Disney can be out of it’s mind.

      • Thelibertylamp September 22, 2013 / 8:06 pm


        I think there is now a Toll Brothers planned community with a big gulf theme there instead :-/

        • Michael Confoy September 23, 2013 / 9:12 pm

          Yea, but traffic as insane as it is there, would have been much worse with Disney and all the spin off businesses such as hotels and all the other things we see in Orlando. There are basically only two roads into Manassas from the North/West, 28 and I66.

          • Thelibertylamp September 23, 2013 / 9:30 pm

            I think it’s more in Haymarket, which was a very pretty little farm town.
            Still, not a lot of main roads going through it and because of the new Toll Brothers infestation the roads cannot keep up with the population.

            Manassas is starting to look more like Centerville, the traffic is a nightmare.

          • Michael Confoy September 24, 2013 / 11:30 am

            Are you a fellow NOVA resident sir?

          • Thelibertylamp September 24, 2013 / 11:41 am

            ….and a NOVA student! 🙂

  8. Jimmy Dick September 22, 2013 / 9:40 am

    The Hall of Heritage where animatronic figures deliver passionate speeches inspiring Confederate soldiers to fight. Where all the women are dressed in exquisite dresses and the men are all Confederate officers. Of course all the slaves would have to be hidden. The only black figures would be the ones in Confederate uniforms armed with muskets and led by black officers (why not really lie your ass off if you’re going to lie at all?). Any other black figures would be speaking to visitors while they pick cotton saying they loved working as slaves for their masters and didn’t want to be free. Connie Chastain would have a voiceover extolling the wonders that white masters did for their slaves and how the South was victimized by the North. She could trot out that list of crimes against the South.

    Meanwhile in the Hall of Secession carefully doctored speeches could be given where all references to slavery would have been removed and replaced with other made up reason which were not listed in the actual speeches.

    The order given by Davis to attack Ft. Sumter would be rewritten where Jeff Davis blames everything on Lincoln.

    The whole place would be known as LiarLand.

  9. Michael Confoy September 22, 2013 / 7:21 pm

    It would contain many tributes to people that are not United States Citizens — Jefferson Davis, Robert Lee, Stonewall Jackson, etc.

  10. Al Mackey September 23, 2013 / 5:43 am

    Of course a roller coaster called “The General Lee” is a requirement. You could have a mile-long avenue with all kinds of arcade games called the “Long Street.” A dance hall where people do the “Polk-A.” A nature ride called the “Bedford For[r]est.” A Ferris Wheel that only goes in reverse, called the “Joe Johnston-a-Round.”

    • Flamethrower September 23, 2013 / 2:08 pm

      We then need a General Lee Dukes of Hazzard bumper car ring.

  11. Jimmy Dick September 23, 2013 / 9:29 am

    The main attraction would be a huge block of cheese for all the Lost Causers and their pitiful whine.

  12. Buck Buchanan September 23, 2013 / 10:24 am

    How about these attractions?

    The Big Underground Railroad Mountain ride.

    The Pin the Head on the General Polk game.

    The High Water Mark Wave Pool.

    Carousel of Lack of Progress

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